February 2012
49 posts
7 tags
... But I will consider dating a mime.
The text: (The most private thing I’m willing to admit) “I hate clowns.”
The offender: Female, 28
What this means: I think that’s pretty self-explanatory.
Explanation: Few topics elicit such polarized responses as clowns; off the top of my head, only politics, religion, and cilantro come to mind.
Revealing a deep-seeded hatred (fear, even) on a dating website is an...
January 2012
6 posts
6 tags
"You've got some sort of juxtaposition in your...
The text: (You should message me if) ”You’re a smarty and you’re really confident — so therefore you don’t show off. You’re attractive and you look great in a t-shirt. You take charge (I’ll resist, but I’ll like it… at least once in a while). You’ve got some sort of juxtaposition in your life. You like to playfully mock/be playfully mocked. You...
6 tags
Livin... L-I-V-I-N.
The text: (What I’m doing with my life) “Living… Working…. Traveling…. Thinking….. Being…..”
The offender: Male, 49 (though variations are found throughout OKC)
What this means: ???
Explanation: Cool story, bro. In other words, you’re functioning in the same way as the vast majority of human beings on this planet (minus those of us who are...
6 tags
"I'm low maintenance."
The text: ”I’m (very/super/extremely) low maintenance.”
The offender: Everyone, though more frequently women (I imagine because popular media tends to affix this phrase to members of the fairer sex — when was the last time you heard a guy referred to as “low maintenance” on one of those godawful CBS comedies?)
What this means: ”I’m...
4 tags
If I Answered the OKC Questions Honestly
My self-summary
I’m a 30-year-old “man” who lives with his parents and has over $150,000 in educational loans from a degree I’ll never use. Thanks in part to my diet and in part my poor genetics, I have horrible, earth-ending flatulence. I oscillate daily between bouts of egotism and self-pity, the former usually resulting from my masterful PS3 skills, the latter from just...
3 tags
Inspecting Cupid: An Intro
I’ve been meeting people on the internet since the 20th century. Not one month after I got my driver’s license, I took my mother’s Toyota all the way out to The Valley to meet some girl whose name I couldn’t be forced to remember at gunpoint. From our chats on AOL, I had discovered how old she was, that she had dyed her hair purple — totally my thing in the 90s...
