Analysis: I don’t care if your LP is on iTunes and Spotify — unless you are a rock star, or look remarkably more attractive while holding a guitar, the “here’s my band” photo is out. Not only does this picture tell us that our subject has horrible taste in color (what is that — vanilla pudding yellow?), but he takes his band way more seriously than any of his bandmates (who we’ll get to in a second), and he’s had the same jeans since 1995. If he doesn’t smell like cigarettes and Jack Daniels, nobody does.
How about his band, though? You’ve got the slightly overweight bass player who is laughing because he had to pawn his axe just minutes before taking this photo in order to make the final payment on his mid-90s Ford Mustang. Then you’ve got the drummer, doing his best Jesus pose and waiting desperately for the photo shoot to end so he can go score some black tar heroin. And finally, the kid, who is clearly way too cool to be hanging out with these guys, but their Craiglist ad was the first one he saw, so he’s stuck with them until he gets the balls to quit.
And what do they sound like? Probably a cross between Slayer, Pearl Jam, and Hootie and the Blowfish. Something like that.